Before the tornado each time I planted a seed I knew it was a miracle, but I expected that seed to germinate and produce...I just expected it to, like it was a right...that since I stuck it in the ground it should grow. After the tornado on April 10, I began to look at things in a more "realistic" way, a more "pessimistic" way I suppose you might say. The things I had planned for, that I helped build with my own two hands were no longer here...the future not so bright as before...perhaps now when I plant a seed it will not grow I said to myself, perhaps everything I put my hand to is going to fail...and for a while it seemed like it did. Our farm from top to bottom went through changes like never before the tornado. Strange livestock illnesses, too many things to count were broken, or missing, or simply out of place. It seemed like too much. Instead of taking leaps by looking at my whole day in front of me, I had to plan out one thing to do. Once that was complete I would look for another job, but simply listing everything that needed attention was too painful, too overwhelming.
BUT I have never been alone. I read from the Bible, and prayed to the God who has promised He would never leave me no matter what. I did not and still do not understand why things happen the way they do, but one thing I do know is that when you are in the middle of something big, some huge disappointment in life it is NOT about YOU. Our pastor likes to say that a disappointment is an appointment you did not expect. I could not put it in better words. Things come into our lives for a reason, bigger reasons than we can comprehend at the time. All you can do when you are walking through something HUGE in your life is simply walk, following God, asking for wisdom and simply put one foot in front of the other each and everyday asking for HIS strength, wisdom and peace. Then when all is said and done and you are able to look back, you will clearly be able to see God carrying you, steering you, comforting you through the most difficult times in your life. Of this I am certain, for ever since I gave my heart to Christ He has loved me, has steered me, has seen my tears and turned the heartaches and ashes in my life into things of beauty time and time again. I have that to look back on and draw strength from and assure myself that this time will be no different.
In God's time and grace I will be able to look back and see that once again I have walked through another miracle with God. A miracle that hurt, but caused me to trust Him more, to walk closer to Him each day...a miracle that was worth the pain. And you know what? The seeds I am planting now are sprouting and it feels like the biggest miracle ever to see their pretty green faces shining up out of the dirt...I no longer expect things to just happen, but I rejoice when they do!